One moment I was fine and the next, so many doubts. Had I prayed enough? Did I have enough seed in the ground? Was I even in good standing with God and how would I know for sure?
I should’ve known that Satan would attack me on the last day of my fast and as instances of God’s faithfulness clashed with scenes of past and recent mistakes, I went to bed asking, “how would I know for sure”? The next morning, I reached for my Sabbath School quarterly. I hadn’t touched it since June 1st and one phrase stood out to me as I read over my notes: “hold fast to His covenant.” (Isaiah 56:6, 7)
Several things suddenly occurred to me at once:
1. Only God can make a covenant. (Even if we initiate, He has to agree).
2. Only I can break/violate the covenant. (Through sin).
3. Whenever Israel violated their covenant, God would tell them.
4. If I violate the covenant, God will tell me.
5. If God wants to totally end the covenant due to my constant violation, He will tell me.
Are you seeing a theme here?
God’s desire is to remain in covenant with us. Because He is faithful, He will always do His part and let us know when we’re in violation. Our part is to:
– Believe that He will not leave us in the dark.
– Repent after we’ve been told.
In other words, I could not let the enemy convince me that God had ended His covenant with me unless God had told me that Himself.
I’m writing this because I know what it’s like to be fearful, unbelieving, restless and faint of heart. In the past few weeks, God has been using personal experiences to show me that sometimes, when people have tons of questions and doubts, it’s not unbelief; it’s because they actually want to commit. As my senior manager hilariously put it, they love the house and they see themselves living there—they’re just trying to figure out where the couch will go. God began to show me that instead of being huffy and impatient, I should offer loving patience and reassurance— because that’s what He’s given me time and again.
Maybe you’re in the same place. All you see are your shortcomings, mistakes and failed promises to God. You can’t trust yourself to be faithful, or, you’ve failed so badly that you don’t want to try anymore. You’re worried that God is done with you; that’s there’s no more grace or mercy; that that last time was the last time. But I say to you, what was the last thing God said to you? Was it a correction or a warning? Have you heeded? Was it a promise? Have you believed? Whatever God says is covenant. If He hasn’t taken back His word; if you have mended your violations or are at work on them, then you must continue to stand in faith on the last thing(s) you heard Him say.
Be rest assured.
Some Verses To BELIEVE:
1. “Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;” Psalm 33:18
2. “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?” Numbers 23:19
3. “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.” Hebrews 10:22
– I looked up “true” in my concordance and one of the definitions read, “opposite to what is imperfect defective, frail, uncertain.” The word uncertain stood out to me. A true heart is not uncertain or double-minded. It can draw near because it is sure about the character of God and His willingness to restore relationship with a repentant sinner. The verse then is instructing us to remove all uncertainty about God from our hearts and to come to Him fully assured, by faith, that we will be received.
4. “Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:” Hebrews 10:35
5. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7